June was hard for me. Meric has been gone for 3 months. Silly, naive me thought that the beginning of Meric's deployment would be the hardest. I figured after the first few months I would get use to it and it would get easier.
Boy was I wrong. As much as I missed Meric the first couple of months weren't that bad. He hadn't been gone very long, we talked on Skype all the time, and Kelli was here. Life was almost like a vacation I was taking with Kelli. We would go hiking and do fun things. I would take pictures and send them to Meric. I had a couple of rough days here and there but basically we were having fun.
But the longer Meric was gone, the more reality set in. THIS IS LIFE. I was having fun and doing all of these things and Meric wasn't here to be a part of it. Meric wasn't going to be here to be a part of it for quite a while.
Doing life without Meric here just felt wrong. How could I be having fun without him? How could I be living life without him? It really hit me hard after running my first 5K. That was a huge accomplishment for me and something Meric would have loved to do but he wasn't here. After that it was really hard for me to want to do anything.
Unfortunately there is nothing anyone can do to fix my problem. It is a mental block I have to work out for myself. After a couple of weeks in the slumps I started to pull myself out of it. It is still hard to be without my best friend and partner but I can't stop living life. I can't just stop and wait for Meric to come home.
I am very blessed though. I have good people around me that are keeping an eye out for me and checking to make sure I am okay. Also I don't know what I would do without Kelli. She helps me get out of the house and do things. And in about a week Kenna will be coming to join us. We have so much planned for her visit. It will be a fun summer... I just wish Meric was here too.
P.S. June wasn't a complete waste. Kelli started volunteering for the Red Cross at the hospital on Fort Knox. She helps out in the office and also in the lab. Yay for her, she gets to draw blood! I am learning to swim. I actually have caught on a lot quicker that I thought I would. Now I just have to get more confident and skilled. So I guess June didn't totally suck.
